The hack is back!

Sorry I disappeared there last fall, I could safely say that I had more chaos going on last fall than most, but as we know when you start making excuses that's when you really deserve a savage beating! So none of that, my life is good, I have garden, will grow vegetables and other brew related vines.

Truth be told I think one of the real reasons I checked out was that I was suffering from a condition known as Incompetent-city-worker-rageitus. Meaning when I thought of the garden all I could see was the paid boneheads that were savaging the plants, and then there was the crazy lady with her "compost" and wild animal feeding piles... move away Robertson, move away.

What did I do to end the season on a positive note? I brought in all the damn tomatoes when they were green (before they could be blight ridden) and we ate tomatoes into December... they were good. I got some broccoli feeds and then I planted a massive pile of Bold Point Road Garlic because the people taking over the garden for me in my absence are having a baby this year and are newbie’s with respect to gardening, so I figure a good garlic crop is an easy tend and a fine crop to have. Still some room for them to do some magic... I'll probably be back a few times this season for some workhorse sessions.

Did I mention I moved to Portland Oregon? Have no fear, our hero is in for a good season, and in the next blog we will go through the preparation of the new Man Garden and outline some of the threats that our gardening space will be under. Like the squirrel population that lives in my neighbours roof, and apparently the method of dealing with that is to feed them peanuts (totally serious). Which means they are not afraid of humans, which means one can easily race out of the house and slash them with a Easton hockey stick... although you can't do that anymore, they are wise to that one after I wrist shot a squirrel high over back into the neighbours yard. Did I mention the rats like peanuts too... did I mention the possum?

Squirrels and rats are rodents, Possums are the only North American marsupials, and they are actually more correctly called Opossum. Possum is a word I can more easily declare war on... apparently they eat anything, as will rats and squirrels and I guess the word is out in the local rodent population that free peanuts are for the having next door.

Honestly I kind of prefer rodents and marsupials as my archenemy over city workers. In essence my tax dollars were paying the city workers to savage my plants, and I had to witness their stupid movements, and listen to their inane excuses and then call lines with automated voices telling me to press digits and stay on the line to file complaints that really never got anywhere. If I were to say... trap a city worker and then drown that said worker, there might be a bit of an outcry. I guess "drown" is a strong word, lets use the word re-locate. The union wouldn't allow the re-location of the city worker because that system is flawed in that manor, and who's to say the next mouth breathing hammerhead on the job cares any more. When a rodent is re-located (to the bottom of the Columbia river), it's not going to get the massive public outcry, and a police investigation. Provided my wife, my kids, and the naughty neighbour aren't a witness to the re-location, everybody will sleep well... well one of us might be chuckling a bit when he should be sleeping, but everything has its price.

Did I mention getting guns in Oregon is about as easy as getting popcorn in a movie theater... not sure about the silencer. My crazy wife is a real stickler when it comes to firearms… one of those liberal loons who believe in the “no gun under any circumstance” philosophy. Truth be told it would be a lot of work to hide a gun and snipe rodents from my daughters bedroom window without being noticed. Basically I'd have to buy a T.V. and put my kids in front of it and then slaughter and hide the carcasses, but in no way do I think it is acceptable to put a child in front of a T.V.

So I guess it comes down to some man made contraptions... man vs. rodent and marsupial... should be fun.