the montra

Everybody who can should have a garden... it puts one in touch with the natural living world. Gardening is not a competition, but if it can be turned into one to help get a greater yield, then do it.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Hot Damn


And this, some shocking news about man-gardener:
http://www.genderanalyzer.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fsrmgb.blogspot.com%2F

Taken from an email that flew through the gardening community... ha ha ha funny as fucking shit right. It's understandable how some corn fed gender analysing website could get things so wrong like that. Talking about plants probably sets of some bizarre gender alarms created by some short sighted application designer. Men are suppose to drink beer and watch sports, fix the roof, take out the garbage... yada yada yada.

Hey I'm a stay home dad now with 3 daughters essentially doing what some, in certain generations, have called "Woman's work". I just do it with a Man mentality... If my kid falls in the park, i don't rush over and over and freak out with panic on my face projecting that it was a big deal... not that all woman do that, and certainly my wife doesn't, but i have had moments in the park where some loon took it upon themselves to go pick up my kid and freak out because they thought that's what i should be doing. Funny because in time now my kids wipe out and walk it off, where the kids of these "caring" caregivers wipe out and then spent the next five minutes being carried and screaming bloody murder at the top of their lungs with their mouths inches away from the caregivers ear... they suck it up, and i cite inefficiency.

Speaking of efficiency, now is a good time to set your garden efficiency... I live in Vancouver, things are starting to roll, ground is soft and unfrozen. I almost put a post up a few weeks ago trying to dare myself into rocking a full garden spinach coverage... the plan was to nab an early spinach yield and then lay in the other crops in a few months. It's a good thing i never got around to it because we took a good freeze a little while ago... there was even a day of tobogganing. But a nice Man gamble to ponder... bet on sports for money, or bet on the weather for spinach yield. Remember the thrill of betting is to win. Word to the wise... if you can make your life bets on things you can afford to lose then you are walking the right way.

Announcement- Now is your time to totally de-weed your garden... put in your hours of labour now... get the whole root of the weed out, shake the soil from it, and get that weed somewhere where it can't come back to haunt you. If you de-weed that soil now, the whole rest of your gardening year will be done on a higher level. Not only that on that but the day when you go to start planting, that's what you do that day... and you plant right. If you show up to your garden "cold" with the mindset to plant... what you will find is that you will spend too many hours digging and then do a rushed planting at the end of the day because your mindset will be all wrong. A rushed planting when you are tired is one of the more common disasters of your average gardener... it's all wrong and then you live with it for the season. It's kind of like if you go to record an album, then make damn sure your drummer is good... otherwise you end up, as i like to say "pre-defeated". Actually I have never said that before, but it felt pretty good when i thought it... it works.

Other things i have to do- Dig out all of the grass on the far side of the fence so that the useless, pathetic, incompetent, selfish, lazy, cruel and just plain dangerous city park maintenance crew doesn't feel the need to one day, and one day only, come by in mid summer and trim the grass against the community garden with a weed eater and KILL all of my pea plants changing my dynamic from being a proud man with fresh peas for his family every day to a raving lunatic going on about the gross incompetence of the City parks crew. I should probably actually put a "weed eating guard" against the fence... yes i will have to do that for sure... you wouldn't go swimming at night where you knew tiger sharks were feeding with bleeding cuts all over your body, just like you can't allow a beer drinking goateed city worker with his whole life ahead of him like a thundercloud to get near your exposed garden with a gas powered plant killing machine. That's when you have to think like a man... I'm in a Union, I have followed structured work orders... go out there and do this... never mind if you happen to ring the bark off of thousands of dollars of new trees trimming the grass to make a hundred and fifty bucks for a day... hell i bet you don't even know what you did.. you just did it an now you are done and you contributed to the economy and that's all that matters.

Getting dark... In a perfect world i would be the one who takes care of the park, I would be good, have done that work ( i paid my way through University with a landscaping shovel), and i really want the park plants to live and thrive. The world doesn't work that way of course, I would have to bust a Union which i have no interest in doing for many reasons... the best one being the less conflict you have in your life the better you life will be. I think the way to go is understand the problem and then work to put up barriers to thwart the problem from thwarting you. After multiple calls to the city i finally got them to put guards around the bass of the trees so the hammerheads can't strip the bark from the base of the trees. You do know how a tree feeds itself: Xylem and phloem make up the big transportation system of vascular plants, and they are located in the bark of the tree. You kill them it's like cutting the veins of an animal=death... although plants are better at miraculous survival.

And finally this statement: the only thing more intense than a man gardner is a woman garnder... they garden by their "spiritual mood", what they want to see and feel in their garden... colour combinations, and the concept of what should be where because thats the way they "envision it" and not because "that's what the specific soil, sun and climate conitions will allow"... their innate bizarre woman moods are tied directly to their garden producing as they had hoped, or emotionally felt for that matter and not to scientific assay. For the most part i stay the fuck away from women gardens... every once in a while i have to file a blueberry plant or an apple tree near a woman garden and it causes me all kinds of stress. A plant needs what a plant needs, but a woman is different... they have ideas.

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